Tag Archives: toaster

6. Pop-Tarts

A breakfast you can use to tile roofs…it doesn’t get fouler than that.

Some petroleum by-products are a “good source of 8 vitamins and minerals” too.

I admit, I scarfed down my fair share of frosted brown sugar and cinnamon ones in high school back in the late 80s/early 90s, and I neither encountered nor envied anyone who had the supposedly superior Toaster Strudel.  Let’s face it, Toaster Strudels are frozen, so you can’t eat them out of the box, and Pillsbury makes you do extra work by including the icing packet that you have to squirt on yourself.  It was bad enough that I had to take geometry, let alone add an extra step to an already inconvenient breakfast product.

A bonus to the grab-and-go feature of the Pop-Tart was the fact that you could throw your backpack into a cage with the American Tourister gorilla, and your Pop-Tart would come out unscathed.  If only the U.S. made our cars out of the same material at that time.

Thanks to Dave Barry, we have learned that Pop-Tarts can be used in the progression of science, namely an excuse to set fire to something, as shown here complete with photographic evidence.  No mention of a hypothesis, but my guess that the point of the experiment was to see if the scientists would get numerous website hits because people like shooting flames and/or explosions.  Looks like it was a success.

Pop-Tarts have also become part of a disconcerting Internet meme.

Over 52 million views of an animated cat with a radioactively frosted Pop-Tart body shitting rainbows to the tune of a crappy Japanese pop song.  (Yes, I am aiding and abetting, but hypocrisy does not count when it is your own blog.)  I challenge anyone to watch this video for more than a minute.  If you are able to do so, you are either a small child or have one of your own.

Excuse me while I go laugh at and lament humanity.